the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
