sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
