party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize