Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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