yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
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