Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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