So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Is Oprah even human
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
