Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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