batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
