I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
