we're chasing vodka with high fives
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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