Kareoke will never be a sober sport
My balls are so social today.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
