oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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