i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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