when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
