once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just want nice things and good sex
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
