i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
