the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
