Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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