It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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