He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
