I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
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