the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
