I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
