Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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