you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize