i barfeds in our rink
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He shit in the fireplace
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