Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
