I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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