Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
