2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
