You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
