could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
