i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
