I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
