So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
