I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
