Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
