I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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