i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
