i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
