I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
