she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
