Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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