I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
