Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
