U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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