she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
