im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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