i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
he fucked my hip out of place.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize