you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
another moral hangover. fuck.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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