So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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