but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
