she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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