Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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