i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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