Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
