She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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