I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
