Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
