I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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