Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
