fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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