im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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