Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
