I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
