New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize