i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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