She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
